QUESTION OF THE MONTH
Hey mate, I really need some advice. I've been trying online dating for a couple of months now and I'm having trouble knowing what to say to chicks. I feel like just giving up. I really want to find the right chick and hopefully get one to go on a date with me. I thought asking a chick might help so yeah any advice? I'm really bad with words and always get stuck in the friend zone. I'm desperate -Cheers, Brisbane anon.
Hello Brisbane anon, online dating can be a great way to find a potential partner, however it can easily become very daunting especially if you don't feel quite prepared. Remember with online dating you are always taking a gamble, stepping into the unknown and you have to first be comfortable with that. With online dating at it's peak it can be difficult to stand out, attract a woman's attention and keep it. Now I can't pretend that my advice will provide any quick fixes but hopefully it can help to point you in the right direction.
Every woman is different however we do all share similar commonalities of attraction. Women will always value men who portray honesty, who portray themselves as being intellectual, driven, witty and who are comfortable and confident with who they are. Now this may sound unachievable but to portray these traits to a woman is actually quite easy. It doesn't mean changing yourself or portraying a perfect or fake image, it means in simple to just be yourself, relax and own not only what you want but who you are. You just need to learn how to do this in the right way.
Introduce yourself politely and respectfully. Number one thing to implement is proper grammar. This is always so important. You don't want to be lazy as first impressions are everything and you never know what may evolve out of every encounter you have. The first message you send is the most important. It is best to keep it simple, you will want to allure attention, intrigue with a question and summon a response. The best way to do this would be to pick something from her bio or photographs, relate to it and end by asking a question and/or proposal. An example of this could be "Hi Melanie, I saw on your bio that your into hiking :) Do you have any plans next weekend because I'm planning a road trip to mount morning and it would be great to have someone to share the experience with. Have you tried that one yet? I hear the view at the top is really worth the hike. Spencer." Opening with something like this shows that you are interested in her not just her appearance, relating to an interest she has is also an easy way to open up comfortable dialogue and keep it following. You will notice that I conveyed confidence and my intention by asking her out on a casual date straight away. This will make your intentions clear, keep you from falling into the friendzone and it displays confidence without portraying arrogance.
Setting the date for the future will allow for you both to build anticipation and excitement to meet in person for your potential date. If she is busy on the particular day/evening you have asked her out on don't take it personally, be flexible not pushy or insecure. Ask her when she is free next or say something like "well now you will just have to wait even longer to find out what I have planned for our date. I will give you a hint tho, wear something fancy." Don't be afraid to convey or admit that you are feeling nervous during this time as she will be feeling the same way. It will make you both feel more comfortable, instead of feeling awkward when you do finally meet.
If you feel like your struggling initiating conversation or are unsure of where to take the conversation, step back and let her lead. As I stated above, every woman is different. This means some women may be more upfront or guarded with you initially. The best thing to do if you can't judge her is to just bounce off her. This way she will continue to be comfortable when talking to you. Never forget that getting to know someone should be fun so don't be afraid to make jokes or tell stories that will make her laugh. Making a woman laugh will open her up to you and can be very disarming.
Appearance is just as important when it comes to finding a match that is on the same page as you. This doesn't by any means, mean that you have to look like a male model. It means chose your pictures wisely. You want to look approachable, that you take pride in your appearance and have a fun personality. Try to avoid pictures that portray narcissism or insecurity for instance selfies of yourself at the gym flexing without a shirt on or photo's of yourself laying half naked in bed reaching down. Photo's like this can send a woman the wrong message like you need her to compliment you, that you are only after one thing or you have nothing else of quality to offer. Which to a woman can be simply tiresome and she will get bored quickly. While on occasion it may get you a quick sext if your lucky but you will never stand out or find the 'right' woman this way. If you respect yourself a woman will know that you will also respect her.
Always be prepared for disappointment and rejection. Nothing may eventuate straight away. Online dating is all about trail and error. Be mindful that when this does happen you learn from it and don't give up hope. There is always someone out there who is perfectly suited for you. You just have to have patience in finding her.
I hope I have helped in assisting you with your question and don't be shy in sending through any other concerns or questions you may have in the future. Good luck!