QUESTION OF THE MONTH
Hi angel, I was recently asked by my partner to talk more dirty to him. I don't know where to start and I'm not really open like that but I do want to make my partner happy. What do I say? I'm feeling really embarrassed about it all and I'm scared I'll do it wrong. - Worried anon.
Hello worried anon, don't worry what you are feeling is completely normal. The first time I was asked to talk dirty I completely froze. My mind raced, oh god what is dirty talk? what if I accidentally cross a line? what if it kills the mood? what if I don't say it right? The pressure I felt from such a simple request was ridiculous and so many people out there are in or have been in the exact same position. The first time I engaged in it, yes it was awkward but just jumping straight in and giving it a go was one of the best things I could've done.
The most important thing to remember about dirty talk is that it works both ways. You just need to relax and have fun with it. Maybe ask your partner to initiate if you are feeling nervous or unsure of how to begin. This way your lover can guide the conversation and you will have a clearer understanding of where your lover would like to take it and how they want it to be delivered. You will soon find that both you and your lover will develop a much deeper and truer understanding of each others desires and limits. Which will lead to a more adventurous, climactic and passionate erotic experience.
Dirty talk is definitely underestimated and also can be misunderstood. It allows you to tease and arouse your partner both before and during sex. A good place to start is by initiating soft skin to skin contact. Examples of this can be softly kissing your lovers neck then whispering that you've wanted them inside you all day or caressing their body whilst making eye contact and telling them that you need them and how attractive they are to you. Talking dirty should aid in creating a desperation and in evoking a deep sexual yearning. It breeds and enhances a secret intimacy.
I believe there is never not a time to create a climactic moment. Sexuality and Sex in general is all about feeling and validation. Everyone wants to be complemented, noticed and wanted no matter what gender, size or race. It boosts your confidence, self worth, softens insecurities and leads to a healthy dynamic. Talking dirty and teasing your lover is not just something that should occur in the bedroom. For instance help squash their Monday blues by sending them a text like "missing you already, I can't wait till your home so you can tear these new panties off me" or "on your way home today can you pick up some massage oil? I know you've got a big day today so I thought you might like a massage when you get home. Massaging your body always makes me want you so much." The best way to go about it is just to implement it into daily life. If your lover is cooking dinner go up behind them, hug them and point out something that you noticed about them that day or compliment them whilst hinting about desert. Talking dirty is not just about profanity (this usually falls more under role play) if done right it should make your lover feel special and strengthen your bond and commitment to each other taking your love life to new heights.
It's the simple little things that can really build up sexual tension and drive. The key is always consistency. This doesn't mean that you have to do it everyday, it just means that if you can, keep it up. You have the power to make it a constant element in the dynamic of your relationship if you chose too. By making it a constant it can make your lover feel heard and validated. It takes confidence to stand up, put yourself out there in a relationship and ask for what you want. Talking dirty with one another will bring you and your lover closer. It creates a more comfortable and open sexual plain. You will find that the rewards from engaging in this will reach a lot further past the actual act of sex itself.
In saying that however, never feel like you have to do something you don't want to. You always have a choice. If you honestly don't feel like you're ready to take those steps yet, don't. Honesty is always the best option and if your lover truly loves you then they will respect your feelings and wait for you until it mutually feels right.
I hope I have helped in assisting you with your question and don't be shy in sending through any other concerns or questions you may have in the future. Good luck!